You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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