you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
