just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
