I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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