My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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