never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
