Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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