Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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