Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize