you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
