I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sorry about my life...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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