I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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