I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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