just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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