How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
