His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
