i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
