two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
