So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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