youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize