I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
