I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
