Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
