In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
