I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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