babies were throwing up all over the place
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
