next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
