All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
