i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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