so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
