You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You did what with his pubic hair?
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