do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
