i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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