i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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