Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
