Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
