I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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