Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
