I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
