You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
