he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
