life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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