i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
