I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
