I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Two words: nipple clamps
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