She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
