So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
