3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
