Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
