After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
