You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
