My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
