A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
