Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
