Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
