Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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