420 ftw
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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