please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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