And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
