Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize