I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
