I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
