exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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