Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize