i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
