You really coming over, don't trick.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
