i wish my penis had a tongue
two words...techno handjob
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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