I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
