At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize