Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
