I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
