My first STD was from a foam party
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
