I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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